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"Advancing Executive Relationships"
The Hub of All Learning
I. Why does traininq/coachinq often fail
to change behavior?
II. What allows us to choose alternative, results oriented behavior that is not controlled bv our survival adolescent?
I. So, why does training/coaching often fail to change behavior?
Because of our concept of what is 'normal.'
Our personal 'normal' Is what we believe to be acceptable. The right way
to live, behave, think, communicate, trust, love, work, eat, sleep, and dress. It is the part of us that survive early childhood conditioning. I call it the survival adolescent.
The power of the survival adolescent is unequaled in it's influence over our thoughts and behavior.
It is a portion of our psyche, linked to our body, mind and emotions, that survived early childhood conditioning by parents and other authority
figures.
It is the reason we are unable to change (ours or others) behavior for more than short periods of time.
Examples would be the inability to
1. stop eating when not hungry.
2. leave work at the end of the day.
3. quit smoking or drinking to access.
4. refrain from spending money we don't have.
5. stop worrying about situations we can do nothing about.
6. avoid showing our displeasure when things do not go our way.
The survival adolescent's strength comes from a lifetime of learning how to keep you safe and maintain a feeling of 'normal.' Anytime there is an increase in anxiety, risk, or vulnerability, the survival adolescent takes over and we act out one or more of our habitual behaviors.
The survival adolescent armament is vast. It uses the natural functions of our body, mind, and emotions to:
1. Decipher - compare & evaluate information. 2. Stabilize - maintain system's homeostasis.
3. Anticipate - evaluate data to forecast possible change. 4. Communicate through stimulus-response.
5. Embed-remember traumatic, emotional experiences.
6. Categorize input according to safe or unsafe conditions.
7. Respond to input (ideas and behaviors) that feels 'normal' 8. React to input (ideas and behaviors) that feels 'abnormal'. 9. Habitual Behavior - or' wiring.'
These nine functions are detailed below.
BODY Our brains:
* Decipher - compare & evaluate information. * Stabilize - maintain system's homeostasis.
* Anticipate - evaluate data to forecast possible change.
Our nervous systems:
* Communicate through stimulus-response.
* Embed & Remember traumatic, emotional experiences.
MIND & EMOTIONS
Mentally & emotionally we struggle to remain 'normal.'
* Categorize input according to safe or unsafe conditions. * Respond to input (ideas & behaviors) that feels 'normal'
* React to input (ideas & behaviors) that feels 'abnormal.'
Mentally & emotionally we act habitually.
* Habits allow us to be very efficient in daily life. They also cause us
to unconsciously repeat 'normal' patterns even when the results are contrary to what was intended.
II. What allows us to choose alternative, results
oriented behavior that is not controlled by our survival adolescent?
Understanding that all people share collective values regardless of their current behavior.
When a crisis occurs the best of human nature surfaces. A fire,
earthquake, or flood will bring out people from their private lives to help strangers. People will risk life and limb to help others who are victims.
Age, race, economic, educational and professional status is forgotten. A lost child is a lost child to everyone. The common element of connection,
the element that binds the human psyche together, rise up to meet the common good.
It is this 'common good' that allows us to look behind other's current behavior and assume their intent.
* Relationships are what life is about.
* We have a unique place-purpose in life.
* What it feels like to help others.
* What it feels like to make others happy.
What it feels like to be valued.
* What it feels like to be a part of a group.
* However, universally we may not know how to do all of it well, or what to do when our skills or models run out of options.
How many times have you heard some say:
"Just quit being It's easy if you only try!" (down on yourself; so
detailed; critical of others; frustrated with other's communications; fearful all the time; cynical about work; tired, it's all in your head; etc.)
Sometimes it rings true, but under the stress of everyday life you find yourself returning to the same 'normal' way you have always reacted.
Other common phrases of 'verbal good intentions' from other's may be:
"Quit working so hard! Work smart, delegate more and enjoy life." "You have to know yourself to be really happy."
"Lighten up and have some fun."
"If you would just eat right and exercise regularly you would feel
better."
* "It's easy to communicate with others. Just compare your 'covert
style' with their 'independent style' and act in a way that makes them open
up to you."
* "Be nice to him/her, even when they're not. You will feel better."
* And the old favorite, "Attitude is everything! Just be positive!"
Current business environments are set up for cutting edge instability, fast changes and creating the next "I wish we thought of that" blockbuster.
Training can advance your technical and administrative skills. Training to advance your interpersonal
Interpersonal skills' training falls short in its application in the real world. In the business world where multi-levels of multi-tasking are the norm,
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