"Advancing Executive Relationships"
by: Scott Taylor
Core Principle
Life is about relationships.
Relationships are based on conversation.
Conversation is constrained by early childhood models.
Models determine the success or failure in relationship.
Success is achieving the desire or result expected from a conversation.
Life's Greatest Gift
To be in relationship where you are valued
unconditionally and challenged behaviorally is to achieve life's greatest gift
Relationship Model
No one consciously lays awake at night thinking of ways to sabotage work or personal relationships unless their
model has run out of options.
No one is holding back a better model than the one they are using right now.
The Results Question
The right question can change a lifetime of conditioning.
To direct and deepen any conversation, ask a question about a detail in the other's conversation.
Two Parts of Listening
We know we are being listened to when the other person asks us questions about what we are talking about.
"Advancing Executive Relationships"
PRINCIPLES FOR LIVING
by: Scott Taylor Principles
We all survived childhood-there was no choice.
Learn how you got "hardwired," then use your unique style to help others.
Life is about relationships-not things or jobs.
Healthy Parents & Managers
Create safe environments for self and others.
Use and model healthy relationship skills.
Verbalize your feelings, then teach others.
Make agreements to communicate with healthy skills.
Daily Communication Show up. (Arrive)
Pay attention. (Attend) Tell the truth. (Feel)
No attachment to the outcome. (Yield)
Techniques and skills OREO Technique
Engage the person (unique self) with a positive statement. Inquiry if you can talk about a particular behavior.
Suggest again your positive statement. Characteristic List
Write a negative characteristic list for the person with whom you have difficult communications.
Sit quietly and find the characteristics within yourself. Feel the characteristics.
Expand your container.
Write A Letter/Read The Letter
Dysfunctional System Concepts We are 100% responsible for how we feel.
We cannot feel anything we are not wired for from childhood. We need to name our/the primary stressor in our lives.
Don't blame others for their behavior, however we need to hold adults responsible and accountable.
Be aware of your reaction or response to other people. Avoid projecting your discomfort and holding it on others
Engage the person (unique self) with a positive statement. Inquiry if you can talk about a particular behavior.
Suggest again your positive statement.
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"Advancing Executive Relationships"
Removing Patterns, Choosing Relationship and Finding Purpose
by: Scott Taylor
First Awareness
Wiring and Patterns
Becoming aware of the sequence of patterns that happen in our lives. Good news & bad news, sickness & health,
loneliness & companionship, fulfillment & disappointment, all come in patterns which are repeated over and over again. These patterns are established in childhood dramas, hardwired into the neural networks of our body through habitual, compulsive living, and used as primary modes to survive daily life.
Two splits took place early on:
1) Our animal nature was split off and devalued leaving us afraid of the unknown within and without (There is something
out there trying to do harm to me, or there is something in me that is damaged and unfixable).
2) Our behavior became the prime way others described and controlled us. Our soul or essential self, became a child
imprisoned behind a wall of should's and should-nots. Second Awareness
Finding the Key
Becoming aware that there has to be more to life than
"trying" to feel OK, successful, happy, loved, nurtured and whole. "When do I get there!" is the cry of our wounded inner
soul-child. Using up our energy to control life, to steal energy from others for that quick hit of "I'm OK." We project and hold
our shadowy fears on others, bringing our habitual patterns to the breaking point where we begin to seek relief.
Here we need to begin to see that our whole life is a pattern that has been set up to prepare each person to find and fulfill
a life purpose. Our unique family, neighborhood, school
system and society set the stage. The good and the bad blended together to hardwire us and set us on a life track
that we felt was "Who I am!"
However, with three decades behind us and the advent of mid-life, we sensed an emptiness within that should have
gone away by now through hard work and being normal. An
emptiness that contains our failures, fears and
disappointments. However it is this same emptiness that can also contain a hidden energy, an energy that can propels us
to a new way of living.
However, this is just the beginning. The first third of life is a
set-up. Now we have our required key for entry into the second phase of integration.. A key that can only be earned
by existing for three decades. There are no other
requirements-none, nada, nit, zero. Being good, going to school, being elected, getting a license, working hard, being a helpful spouse, educating your children, getting promoted were choices along the path. They only helped form the container that holds our consciousness. Just existing in a
body gives you entrance to the next phase of life - direction and purpose.
Third Awareness
Tapping a New Source
During our early years we were wired to react to life situations in our families "normal" way. In essence we
became our behavior. We were referred to by our "human-
doings" rather than as a human being. This used up most of our creative energy and caused us to communicate and live
within a narrow bandwidth of possibilities and confidence.
Early childhood development left our energy containers with a limited capacity. They can be distorted, persuaded,
assaulted, filled or sucked dry by others in authority positions . As children we had no choice. As adults we are still
operating from this position of "I am my behavior," not a
person on equal standing with others. Bosses, dominate
siblings or parents, spouses, police, government officials,
spiritual teachers, news people, doctors, lawyers, dentists,
postal workers, inspectors, financial and tax professionals, the rich and famous - sports figures, actors, musicians, and
others all squeeze our containers. Our capacity contains a
"position of preferences" based on what feels "normal," not on what fulfills us over the long haul.
Thus we come to our mid-life years feeling like we have missed something, that we should have achieved more and
we should be further along in fulfilling our plans. This
position is no different than when we were in grammar school. We often felt that the other children understood what
was being taught and we did not. The result of this
conditioning was a feeling of lack, a consciousness that there is not enough to go around, a scarcity of resources.
From the position of our adult, logical minds, the way we now behave to "get ours" seems many distantly removed
from the illusive original cause in childhood.
If we experiment in our daily life with this, we become aware that all communications, all relationships, are about control or flow of energy.
The challenge here is to begin to feel the difference when we communicate with others without projection, verses when we
project what we want others to believe or become for us to feel OK.
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Mysterious Coincidences-Occurrences
A feeling that some other process is operating
Wider Historical Perspective
Put your current awareness into a longer perspective - what has been happening during the last thousand years? See this period as a whole.
How did your every day awareness develop?
Physical World is really a Vast System of Energy
This energy is malleable to human intention & expectation.
Heightened sensitivity to beauty.
Competition for Others Energy - Control Through Domination
We try to control the energy that flows between people.
We try to outwit and control others because of the addictive lift we get psychologically.
We try to take each others minds (energy) away- psychic violence. We feel weak and insecure and try to steal other's
energy.
Alternative Source of Energy
When we fall back to controlling others, we disconnect from the Source.
Our Unconscious Control Drama - prevents us from connecting.
Styles of Controlling - Aggressive to Passive: Intimidator - uses fear creates a poor-me
Interrogator - find the flaw creates aloof
Aloof - attract with mystery creates interrogator
Poor-me - uses guilt creates intimidator
Finding True Purpose
What is the meaning of your Fathers/Mothers life for you?
How will you express what they have taught you? Why were you born at that time/place/situation?
What are you here to learn?
Review the sequence of interests, significant turns, important teachers & friends, coincidences - where are they leading
you? Pursue a higher synthesis than your parents and teachers.
Integrate all the above and see the direction you are headed - a life truly guided by mysterious coincidences.
Consciously Evolving Yourself
Staying alert to every coincidence, every message received. See the silver lining in every event.
Aiding Our Messengers - Interpersonal Ethic WHAT'S MISSING?
Teaching about "What's Missing" in peoples lives is like
pointing to the moon. You have to use a finger, or some other object to point, but be aware that most people will
concentrate on the finger or other object instead of the moon.
Why do you teach about "What's Missing"?
To turn peoples gaze towards their emptiness (Shadow).
When people gaze upon their emptiness (Shadow), what happens?
They see nothing, but feel clearly that something is actually missing, yet it cannot be described in words. It was formed pre-language, pre-cognitive reasoning.
Why are the words missing to describe something they can see?
They are adults! Mature! Responsible! When asked to look at "What's Missing" they can feel something is not there. The
emptiness they don't feel is it! The fact is, is that "no thing" is there. Yet, there is no inner structure, no contrasting experience, no word to describe this emptiness. So they say, "It must be no-thing, nothing."
Then how can "What's Missing" be understood and made practical?
Learning to enlarge our personal surface area will help. That is to say, the container we live in is to cramped. There is no room to see life's larger backdrop or to display a model of how our picture of life fits onto a larger canvas.
Daily life provides more than enough experiences for us to expand our container, thus enlarging our surface area. There is no need for special situations. Heaven and Earth are ever, always present.
However, without understanding the origins of Looping, there is no energy (Shadow) to motivate us to expand the container. To step out of the Loop gives us freedom to expand.
When our surface area is made larger, then what?
Greater tensions can be experienced without breaking the sensitive, detecting surface. What were ridged borders are now permeable boundaries able to discern appropriate input into our system. At the same time, a full variety of feelings can be instantly accessed when appropriate. These feelings stay accessible and on the surface. Energy previously confined by Looping, is now available for creativity and relationships. To touch this energy requires a type of surrender to a breaking off, or breaking through our containers shell.
Why do we feel overwhelmed when our surface is violated?
If you are in your car and someone opens the rear door and throws a large, poisonous, mad snake inside, then closes the door, how long would you feel comfortable driving along? However, if you are in a football stadium and the same snake was released how would you react.
When our container is too small we become brittle or
incapable of entertaining outside intrusions. There is no
extra space, no energy to engage, and we close down and withdraw.
© 1983-2020 Liminal Fire/Scott Ingham Taylor. All Rights Reserved. Disclaimer