No Blame, But Responsible
It is important to state that we are not placing blame on caregivers. We are nevertheless holding them responsible, as adults, for not having learned better relationship skills. Likewise, we are not diagnosing ourselves as victims and unfortunates. However, we are going to make the case that our caregivers were responsible for our physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual safety. The environment they created, with whatever model for relationship they had, is the source or cause of our dysfunctional behaviors, our difficult lives and ruined relationships. This is unconditionally true for everyone, everywhere and at anytime in history. The model we were given is the one we use for better or worse.
As a result of surviving our particular childhood, our formal education may have stopped after high school or been completed up to the graduate level. We may have achieved very little or great success in art or business. We may have married, had children, or not. We may be bums, doctors, priests, clerks, executives, childcare providers, presidents, janitors or forest rangers. Military, political or terrorist careers are all affected the same way by survival hardwiring. Homemakers, astronauts, cooks, psychiatrists or pilots all regularly go unconscious in relationships with others. No one is spared from what we have described above as the Universal Relationship Anomaly.
When observing the unsuccessful, the criminal or the emotionally unstable individual at home, work, or in society, it is a rational conclusion to assume that these unfortunates likely had dysfunctional and damaged caregivers. This assumption has become more acceptable as the media brings reality video into our homes. We see dysfunctional caretakers expound their innocence and shrug their shoulders at their sons or daughter’s criminal act. We hear political and business leaders deny their culpability in the face of facts. Moreover, we all know a dark secret or two we keep to ourselves.
In some way we have all subjected others to our hardwiring, our unconscious and habitual reaction to others behavior. Though our desire is to communicate authentically, we fall into the relationship anomaly by seeing and reacting to behavior, rather than seeing and responding to significant other’s core intentions. To understand how this happens is our adult responsibility. We need and must learn skills that allow us to use the control of hardwiring and at the same time speak to others core intentions.
Copyright © 2020 Scott Taylor Consulting All Rights Reserved.